I invite you to read my first screenplay review for MyPDFScripts of Poltergeist, a 102 page, first draft, by Juliet Snowden & Stiles White. It is a fantasy/horror about a young family haunted by spirits in their home. The spirits kidnap their youngest daughter and the parents take a visit to another dimension to save her.
SYNOPISIS
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Present Day Suburbia, USA, BRYNN, 15, CASE, 9, and MELANIE HAYES, mom, are all asleep in their perspective bedrooms. Moving boxes are around the rooms, while SOPHIE, 6, is downstairs playing in the dark. Melanie wakes up and takes Sophie back to her bedroom. Sophie doesn’t want to go and tells her mom “If you wait and be real quiet you can see them.”
GREG HAYES, 40s, dad, arrives from a business trip. That night Sophie is again downstairs playing in the dark. This time dad goes to get her and she tells him that she is playing with the “TV people.” As the security alarm goes off Greg sees something crouching under the dining room table, a figure. He can’t believe his eyes, but as he tries to get a closer look through the strobing alarm lights, he sees nothing there.
Melanie is attacked in the night, her cries muffled. She tries to break free from a shadowy figure, falling off the bed. Greg awakes from the couch downstairs where he had fallen asleep. He runs up stairs to find a frantic wife. They search the house to see if the children are all ok. Sophie’s bed is empty. They call the police and Detective O’NEILL investigates.
The next night Sophie, through a toy walkie-talkie, is calling for “Mommy.” The family starts looking for her. A chat-cam is activated and hooked up to the living room TV. Case sees something, calls for dad and points at the TV screen. He sees a movement behind them by the piano at the back of the room. A faint shadowy figure, Sophie, barely there, reaching out, her face terrified. Greg whips around but Sophie’s not in the room.
The next day Greg pays DR. PATRICIA VANDERHILL, 50s, a paranormal psychologist, a visit to enlist her help to find Sophie.
That night Sophie is heard again calling for mommy, ANTON and RUIZ, Dr. Patricia’s assistants, start taking readings with their electronic equipment. They see a shadowy figure that literally slips into the wall. Later, Melanie sees Sophie in the hallway and runs after her, as she starts to embrace, Sophie moves right through her then disappears.
Dr. Vanderhill explains to the Hayes’ that “there’s another world. Can’t see it. But it’s literally right on top of ours.” Ruiz adds “some scientist believe there are places where boundaries between our set of dimensions and unknown dimensions are thin enough for objects, or people to pass through.”
A night later the Hayes’ are sharing memories of Sophie; one in particular is that Sophie had opened all the presents under the tree since she thought they were all for her, she looked so adorable and she had just opened Greg’s electric razor and goes “I didn’t ask Santa for this.”
A portal to the other side is found in Sophie’s closet and later the exit is discovered on the ceiling over the dining room table. While gathered around the dining room table a shadowy figure grabs Case and drags him upstairs. Greg quickly reacts running after chase and wrestles his son away from the shadowy figures in Sophie’s room. Detective O’Neill had come over to talk to the Hayes’ and witnesses the horror.
It is discovered that the Hayes house is right on top of a ley line. Dr. Vanderhill describes it as “tribes and clans would encounter each other at places were lines intersected. They’d build stone circles, making it a gathering spot. …these were spots of mystical and spiritual power. They’re often sisters of pagan temples and then churches were built on top of those.”
A little while later Anton comes out of the bathroom looking gruesome, watery eyes, pronounced veins, pale skin, he runs his hands through his hair and clumps fall out. 911 is dialed, Anton is taken to the hospital with Ruiz in tow.
Detective O’Neill had uncovered a case that was similar to the Hayes case and tracked down the girl that was abducted, at 14, in hopes that she can help the family. TRACEY DREXEL, 20, enters the house and she starts heading up the stairs as if something were beckoning her. She starts to unplug all the electronics in Sophie’s room stating that “All of this… it makes them angry.” Greg takes all that in and concurs in shutting the house down.
An executive decision is made by Melanie that she must go into the portal and go get Sophie. Melanie is on the other side and finds the other dimension like an aberrant mirror image of Sophie’s room. She hears “Mommy” and starts running after the sound when she comes face to face with one of the shadowy figures, his face inhuman, glints in dark sockets where the eyes should be, no ears, a thin mouth. She runs again toward the sound of mommy. In the kitchen a shadowy figure is holding a child; Melanie grabs her and runs to the dining room to exit this dimension. As she leaps she hears “Mommy,” a trick of the winds. Melanie and Sophie land on a mattress, safely out of the other side.
Later on that night Greg, Melanie and Sophie are staying in a hotel, while Brynn and Case are at grandma’s home. While in the bathroom bathing Sophie, Melanie discovers that this is not Sophie. She whisks her into the car and drives off back to the home, leaving Greg behind. She gets back to the home and enters the portal to return the girl to the lady, the lady is now holding Sophie, and they make the exchange. Greg took a cab back to the house and chases Melanie into the portal. When Melanie is running for the dining room she runs into Greg. Her eyes fill with deep amazement at seeing her husband. She doesn’t say it very loud, “You came for me.” As Melanie and Sophie go through the exit, Greg is grabbed by several shadowy figures and barely escapes.
The house around them starts to decay, crumble and slowly implodes. As they make it out of the house Tracy is there waiting for them. She was making sure that this was one of the ley lines, so that she can return home. The girl recovered from the abduction all those years ago was not Tracy but an inhabitant, which is now returning home. As the house continues to disintegrate there is a flicker of the shadow worlds, inhabitants standing amid the wreckage, Tracy joins the figures as they all flicker away. The last remnant of the house is pulled up into a singular point.
The Hayes’ are back at the home they had moved away from, together as a family.
COMMENTS
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What makes this script a compelling read is the writer’s absolutely superb craft of writing. I became engrossed into the story, thus making it a grabbing read. What worked well in the script is the climax. This is a must be made story for the mere fact that this can become an instant classic in vein of the original.
The writing was absolutely superb in that the structure, plot points, pacing, descriptions and the writing style is what made this high concept story an enjoyable read. The writer’s next project according to IMDB.com is The Birds; I cannot wait to read their draft. The writers are definitely recommended for future assignments.
A few notes: It would be nice to see the dialogue and characterization tweaked in-order to give the leads a stronger pronounced character depth and arc. Also, perhaps, a strengthening of the theme geared toward ‘family’ could make all the difference in making this film-to-be a wide demographical flick. Lastly, granted the story is a remake and does detract from being an original and thus being predictable, however heightening the suspense and making it more of a light-hearted thriller may be what the remake could use to draw in the audiences.
The only criticisms might be that the first thirty pages, aside from the inciting incident, could use more drama and character drawing power. One story hole might be: when did Greg go about finding out about Dr. Patricia? Moreover, screenwriting 101: there were many pages with blocks of description and no dialogue to be seen; and, as much as I love the descriptions, how does one go about filming “her mind is swimming with a million thoughts?”
Never-the-less the story does make for a unique remake and the premise is good enough to see this project through development hell. Especially since it does lend itself to a great visual potential since special effects capabilities have advanced since 1982. The scene when we enter the other side (the other dimension) would be a great cinematic scene for the audiences to enjoy.
COMMERCIAL POTENTIAL
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This would make for a great Halloween theatrical release. If the script is filmed without any gruesome graphics and filmed in vein of classic horror it could make for a good PG-13 four-quadrant film.
BUDGET: Medium. Considering the first film was budgeted at approximately $10 million in 1982, with inflation that would be around $25 million today (give or take), and Stephen King’s “1408” was produced for $22.5 million in 2007.
Of note: The first draft is dated December of 2008 and IMDB.com still has it listed as a pre-production for 2011. I do wonder if it will be made now, especially since this is an MGM owned property and MGM is being sold off. A plan ‘B’ for this script, is that it would be nice to see it make its way to ABC (not SyFy) and be produced as a Halloween special movie-of-the-week; the budget then can be “low” and be produced for way under $12.5 million. It may be wishful thinking on my part but a suggestion never-the-less for the powers that be.
Script Recommendation:
[ ] Recommended
[X] Consider
[ ] Pass
I hope you enjoyed the review. Personally, I enjoy the movie and television entertainment industry and look forward to sharing reviews with you. My passion is quality entertainment; film’s golden years, and television’s age of something on for everybody.
Until next time, happy reading.
Note: Due to the production status of this film, the screenplay is currently unavailable here.