Kevin Jackson Reviews: Wedding Banned
Wedding Banned, 115 pages, is written by Jack Amiel & Michael Begler. It’s a comedy about a long since divorced couple kidnapping their daughter on her wedding day to keep her from making the mistake of her life. The divorced parents rekindle their relationship as they elude cops and the angry groom.
SYNOPISIS
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ZOE FISCHER, 26, an attorney, after work, is getting ice cream and meets CYRUS, they chat and he tosses a Bomb Pop to Zoe, but she looks away for a split second and it hits her in the face. She goes down. Cyrus rushes to her side, taking the Bomb Pop and gently putting it on her bruised check. Zoe looks up at him. He returns her gaze.
Three months later. Zoe and Cyrus are driving-up to ELAINE FISCHER, 58, a judgmental judge and Zoe’s mother, in Cyrus’s tricked out 70’s ice cream truck/van on steroids, to introduce Cyrus in-person for the first time. They all head-out to an upscale restaurant in the ice cream truck, much to Elaine’s embarrassment.
Cyrus, over dinner, tells Elaine that he has named over 400 stars after himself, and no longer fears death because he know his galactic legacy will live on forever. Also, he has been enrolled at City College for 10 years now, has over 320 credits and one of these days he will pick a major, “it’s just so hard when you love everything.”
Zoe surprises Elaine that Cyrus and her are getting married. Elaine is mortified and rebuts with “No, you’re not.” Zoe tells her mom that Cyrus has even called dad, JOHN FISHER, 50’s, a pediatrician, and got his permission.
After dinner Elaine calls John, who trusts his smart capable daughter to make the right choice, and yells at him that “we might need to perform and exorcism to get this beast out of her.” That she found a “one-eyed-half-retarded-three-legged-puppy-and-took-pitty-on-it-love.”
Cyrus after promising that he won’t try to warm Zoe’s mother up to the idea of them getting married, he makes a visit to Elaine. Zoe gets furious that he broke a promise to her about going to see her mother and tells him that it was a big mistake. Cyrus tells Zoe that “She’s like some evil lawyer genius who got me all twisted up. Good news is I didn’t let her see me cry.”
Zoe’s and Cyrus’s parents meet-up at a restaurant. Cyrus’s mother, TANGIE, loves anything the color of her name. LEE, Cyrus’s father tells the story that right before he left for NASA city that Tangie and him had sex all night. Nine months later Tangie calls him up in space on his cell phone that she is in labor. Lee was “supposed to be up there for like five years. But I said to my commanding officer, Patrick Stewart, I had to be back in Pound Ridge. …nothing is more important than your children. So, put the thing in full throttle and I was there the moment Cyrus popped out.”
After Cyrus’s bachelor party John goes to Elaine’s house and states that Zoe can’t marry that retard. This, after he sees Cyrus drive away with his big breasted ex-girlfriend.
Wedding day Elaine locks Zoe in her bedroom closet. Elaine tells John “we let this wedding happen and you’ll be spending every birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter and New Years with that awful family.” So John goes to the church to address the crowd, “Zoe has decided to call off the wedding.”
Soon after John arrives back to Elaine’s, Cyrus’s clan arrives. John afraid to lie about what’s going on is threatened by Elaine with “You know that isn’t my only closet that locks. Keep your mouth shut…”
John accidentally drugs Zoe. As John and Elaine carry her out the back door, Cyrus sees them loading Zoe into Elaine’s car. A car chase between Elaine’s Mercedes and Cyrus’s ice cream truck ensues. Elaine gets away and Cyrus goes back to the house to call the police.
John sees a man on the ground off the road, having fallen of his motorcycle, John yells to Elaine to stop so he can help, but the man was just waiting for someone to stop so he can rob them and take their car. So now John, Elaine and Zoe are stranded.
John decides to walk down to a gas station he saw some miles back, Elaine and Zoe, still drowsy, sit and wait. Elaine has to go pee and while squatting she sees Zoe walking down the road, she tries to move, but she’s still peeing. She tries to squat-walk, but falls. John, sitting down outside of a closed gas station, sees Zoe run by him in a wedding dress and hundred yards behind her Elaine.
Zoe runs down a camping trail and comes across some Girl Scouts. Zoe asks the Girl Scouts if one of them has a cell phone. One says she has one but it’s for emergencies only. Zoe tells the Girl Scout “I’m a lawyer in a wedding dress in the middle of the woods asking desperately to use your phone. Unless R. Kelly shows up here tonight with a bottle of wine, I’m guessing this is going to be your biggest emergency.” Zoe calls Cyrus and tells him that she is sorry and that her parents locked her in a closet and drugged her.
John catches up to Zoe and takes the phone away from Zoe before she tells him her location. The Girl Scouts begin to beat him up. Elaine comes to Johns rescue by grabbing a branch and lighting it up in the campfire and yelling to the Girl Scouts “Give us our daughter or I’ll burn this long horse to the ground and won’t get your merit badges for it.” The girls step aside. Elaine ties Zoe’s hand to her hand and all three of them walk-off.
The three are hitchhiking to an old family cabin and picked up by a passing motorist, TAM. Tam agrees to take them to the cabin but need to stop off at home first. As they arrive to his home he introduces Zoe to his mother, having some fun at Zoe’s expense, in Vietnamese, “Mama, this is my new wife.” A relative asks why are Zoe and Elaine tied together, Tam replies “Tradition, She’s a virgin and so she must be tied to her mother until the wedding night when she is cut loose.” Tam and the three then leave and are dropped off at their cabin.
Cyrus had called back the Girl Scouts for their location and figured out that they were headed to the family cabin and soon arrives, finding Zoe, “It’s only a matter of time before a great investigator finds his investigate.”
An argument ensues between Cyrus and Elaine about how he left his bachelor party with his ex. Cyrus goes on to say that he left because he needed his ex-girlfriend, a jewelry designer, to make him a new wedding band, because he had lost her antique grandmother’s engraved wedding band. Zoe erupts with anger, saying that it’s not just a ring but a symbol of their love and trust and why did he not tell her about the ring, why did only his double-D ex only know about it, that he had promised to always be honest with her. She feels betrayed and tells Cyrus to leave.
John and Elaine are now worried about going to jail over kidnapping Zoe, let alone drugging her. Cyrus also realizing that Zoe’s parents may go to jail, for the kidnapping, and that Zoe will be all alone, comes up with a plan to prevent that. He calls Elaine’s Mercedes TeleAid to get a fix on where the car is, he knows it was hijacked. He then goes and kidnaps, gagging, John, Elaine and Zoe and throws them in back of his ice cream truck, all while saying sorry profusely.
The cops have gotten a fix on John and Elaine and are headed down the dirt road to the cabin. Cyrus drives off as the police arrive. The police take pursuit. In the back of the ice cream truck John afraid that this is it, professes his love for Elaine as does Elaine, back to John.
Cyrus stops in front of a dilapidated house; with men taking apart Elaine’s Mercedes in the garage, takes Zoe, Elaine and John and takes them into the house. The police are about to arrive when Cyrus quickly drives his ice cream truck into the pond, so the police do not see the truck. As the police arrive and bust in, they find that the house is a chop-shop.
The police un-gag the Fishers and they explain, in hopes to place blame on the guy who had hijacked Elaine’s car was Zoe’s old boyfriend. He kidnapped them, made John go to the church to call of the wedding, then brought them there.
Cyrus is walking down the dirt road as the police car with Zoe, Elaine and John are in, passes him but then stops, Zoe with a change of heart runs out and throws herself into his arms, kissing him.
“We are gathered here by this beautiful lake, to join these two people in the sacred bond of marriage,” a justice of the peace speaking next to the family cabin. John and Elaine are getting married. Zoe and Cyrus are going to take their time and make sure their ready, and until after Cyrus graduates from college next year.
COMMENTS
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The script was a grabbing comedic read. Cyrus’s character and dialogue was hilarious. Everything in the script worked so well. This should be made, it is absolutely a must be made story.
There is nearly nothing to say negatively. The script deserves nothing but excellent praise from premise to format. Especially the dialogue: John to Elaine “If you were a man, you’d have invaded Poland by now.”
There are only three little things that need some addressing. One, being when did Zoe and Cyrus get engaged and set the wedding date? Two, on page 11 Cyrus is stating that he is basing his life on “nine – no seventeen,” what? Three, the title is a bit on the poor side. Aside from this, it was the best read I have had in months.
The screenwriting team is absolutely recommended for any future comedy assignments.
COMMERCIAL POTENTIAL
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This is defiantly a PG-13 motions picture for couples of all ages. A plan ‘B’ to a theatrical release would be a Hallmark movie-of-the-week; add a Christmas time period and perhaps an ABC Family holiday feature. Either way this script deserves to be made and enjoyed by audiences everywhere.
BUDGET: High. Though return on investment with the right cast and this near flawless script is a no-brainer. Meet the Parents and The Runaway Bride are two movies that come to mind that were great success in vein of this concept and both films were made in the high $50’s. With casts likes Robin Williams for John, Wendie Malick or Cheryl Hines for Elaine, Amanda Michelle Seyfried or Mandy Moore for Zoe, and talents of James Roday for Cyrus, Kristen Chenoweth for Tangie and, an aged, Mike O’Malley for Lee, would draw a wide audience and with a Valentines or winter holiday release this film ought to do triple numbers. Touchstone Pictures would be foolish not to see this movie through development-hell and into production as soon as possible.
Script Recommendation: [X] Recommended, [ ] Consider, [ ] Pass. (12/3/09)
Of note: Thanks Sheridan at MyPDFScripts.com for the best script I have read in months. I for one will be the first person in line on opening day when it’s released. Also, I defiantly look forward to reading any comedies Jack Amiel & Michael Begler write in the future.
I hope the review was a joy, until next time, happy reading.
Note: Due to the production status of this film, the screenplay is currently unavailable here.
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